The Downward Spiral

I have fallen off the wagon again.  It is my own fault, I am aware.  I have been stressing over a lot of stuff over the last few weeks.  I really can't wait till Christmas is over!

Work is getting worse.  I didn't think it could.  One of the cashiers is back.  Don't get me wrong, it's awesome to have her back, but things were getting into a groove while she was gone.  Now it's back to the way it was before.

I filled out an online application form for a new store that's opening in the spring.  I really need to get out of there.  I feel bad that I could be leaving a hand full of special people.

Got a shit load of snow today.  Shoveled half the driveway, and by the time I got that done, it was filled in again.  I really hope this isn't any sign of what's to come.

Been working on my photography skills.  Still need a lot of work, but getting the hang if things.

Have some fun with this...

http://img0.liveinternet.ru/images/attach/c/5/3970/3970473_sprite198.swf

Cheers!

Back on track

Well, kind of.

A friend of mine challenged me into a 30 day butt and ab challenge.  So far, so good.  Despite the horrible week I had financially causing all sorts of stress and lack of motivation to do ANYTHING, I only slacked off one day.  And I will consider that my second "rest" day and work on through until the next one.  

I am on my way to my third short term goal again (for the fourth time :) )  But I am pretty sure I will hit and hopefully surpass it this time by the end of the 30 days.  Just 1.2 pounds to go.  

Well, off to do day 8 of the challenge... Here goes nothing!

Stand still

I've been at a stand still for a couple of weeks. I was down to my last two pounds for my third short term goal, but between then and now I'm back up to four pounds to go.

I haven't been able to get out for a hike this week because I've been working nights most of the week and the day I was able to go, it rained. It's raining today as I believe it will be raining for a few days to come. I think we will be next for flooding.

We have been low on groceries for a few days, making it slim pickings for meals but I think that's why I was down so low. But I've been trying to ration my food intak because this food needs to last us for a while.

Willie will be bumped up to assistant manager at work come Sunday, which means a little more pay for him and more hours. I'm hoping that will help with getting caught up on some bills.

Well, I best get ready for work. Fourth night in a row for me and I hate it!!  But with shit going on around here, I'm thankful I have a job.

Till next time, suckas!! Xoxo

Keeping up appearances

Things may look a little different. I am trying this from my phone tonight.

I've decided to make weigh in day on Fridays now. I thought to myself that I sometimes cheat on the weekends and it makes it difficult for good results to come out of a weigh in on Mondays because of this.

I still did okay this week. Got lots of good walks in and a lot of bug bites to boot. The trails we walk are pretty deep in the woods. Lots of fly dope is required. And although I love walking there, sometimes I am just too tired to take a shower. But I sit down and that's all I can smell is fly dope. Ew. I measured myself kind of today. I am not losing any inches. Maybe one total. But I am losing the pounds. Slowly but surely.   I figured if I can't do both at the same time, at least one will do.

Even though I consider this a "personal" blog, I do want to thank the people who come hear from other parts of the world. Weather you come here because you are on the same mission as I am, or stumbled across this by accident, I'm glad you did and why don't you leave a message?

I call it a personal blog because it seems to help me sometimes. Just to look back and see my ups and downs that I have encountered along the way. It has been a long hard trek to get where I am. Many times I thought about giving up and letting myself get back to the horrible place I was before. Then I look back and say "No! You had a funeral for the old Carrie. It was your first post. Don't let zombie Carrie get to you. Don't let it out."  And I don't. I get back on track and kick zombie Carrie back down to the ground.

But of course there are struggles I encounter. Like today, I treated myself to a soft swirl ice cream. And I totally think it was worth it. I'm sure I burned it off on my walk.

Either way, I'm up way past my bed time. I best get to bed and be prepared for a busy day tomorrow.

Night peeps!!

Designation

So, I think I am going to designate Mondays to blog day and weigh day.  ( I know today is Tuesday,  but yesterday was a holiday in Canada, so...)

I've gotten rid of 3 of my unwanted pounds and have no intention of finding them ever again!  Just a mere 6 months to lose 50 pounds.  That is my long term goal.  Short term goal is 10 pounds at a time.

Started walking the bike trails around the cove.  Decent trails for sure.  Usually walk an hour in, look at all the scenery and take a few pictures of things we haven't seen before, then head back out.  A good hour and a half for sure.  With all the hills and rocks we have to climb over and such, burns a good 200-300 cals.  The one trail I really like is about a 6K and takes about an hour or so to finish.  

Been doing okay with the clean eating.  Berries were on sale at the grocery store. I think that helped a little this week.  I only ate out twice I think and got the healthier and portion wise dishes.

Well, I think that's it for today.  Tune in next week for an update on how horrible I did this week.

 

new month, new chapter

But I lost count as to what chapter I am on.  5 maybe?

Starting tomrrow I will try and remember to drink green tea.  I got the idea from a friend at work.  She does hers a little differently but the main process is boiling water, adding green tea bags and drinking :)

I boiled 8 cups of water, and steeped 4 green tea bags for about 20 minutes.  Only because I was playing a facebook game and got distracted. I guess 5 minutes is a good time.  

She adds honey to hers, but I decided not to.  I took 6 water bottles and divided up the tea, and added a little water to top it off.  

If you like plain green tea, this is great.  But I found the taste a little bitter.  Hence the honey.  I added a small squirt of some MIO and it tastes pretty decent. 

They say drinking green tea can help aide in weight loss and boost metoblism.  After these last few weeks, I will try anything to get a little more energy.  

I  am going to give it a month and see if there is a difference.  I feel like I am starting all over with this whole journey.  But I guess once you fall, you have to dust yourself off and get going again.  Because I have less than 7 months to get rid of 53 pounds.

I WILL DO THIS!

It's all about the Bordens, baby

I was sick yesterday. And I know I am sick when I can't eat.  

My throat is sore, and tender to the touch.  There is a lump there, but that's just probably a swollen gland or something.  It kinda hurts to swallow too.  It feels like there is something clogging my throat and makes it hard to breathe.

I should have called in sick last night, and went to the clinic. It was only a 4hour shift, but when you live from pay cheque to pay cheque, you need all the hours you can  get.

I did like the number on the scale this morning though.  Down 0.8 of a pound.  May not sound like a whole lot, but it's a good number for me.  Probably because I barely ate anything.  And that was after I had a Baconator and Poutine from Wendy's on Tuesday.

A few co-workers and I were talking last night about being anorexic and bulimic. 

I will admit, I've tried both.  By looking at me, obviously I didn't stick.  I am aware these are disorders and not to be taken lightly.  I know people who have suffered eating disorders. 

I have tried to just eat the bare minimum, but I was so hungry that I ate everything.  I also tried throwing up after I ate a few times, but I hate being sick, and to me, it seemed like a waste of money.  Why bother even eating if I am going to throw it up and not get any enjoyment out of it.

And that is my problem.  I enjoy food too much to get any further than I am at my long term goal.  

And eating healthy is so expensive.  If the "higher ups" want people to eat healthier, why don't they lower the cost of eating healthy instead of, or along with "banning" soda and the like.  Sure, getting kids out of the habit now before they get in one is great, but there are adults out there who have been trying and trying to get healthy too.  

It's great that you get a tax break if you have kids that have a gym membership.  But what about adults?  What about the people with no kids, working day in and day out just to make ends meet.  No tax breaks for them.  

Well, that went way off topic there. 

In closing, I need a better paying job, or they need to increase minimum wage in New Brunswick.

Playin' A Ninja

After listening to Inner Ninja, I started a thread on facebook asking what the past tense of "swim" was.  Which is swam, or swum. Depending on how it's used in a sentence apparently.  Thanks Erin.

Until I looked up the lyrics, I always thought he was saying "playin' a ninja" as well. So there.  I got that straightened out.

I am slowly getting back on track to saying good bye to the old me.  Well, the "extra" me.  I am almost back down to my lowest number. There have been A LOT of ups, and some downs, but the main thing is from now on, it's still going down.  

Sandy and I have been out on a couple of walks.  Took her dogs out yesterday.  That was a little more exciting for me, I think, than her :)  On evenings we are both off, I think we will get to the Cove and try some of the "off the beaten path" trails.  I am still walking around the two malls on my lunch breaks.  I am going to up the distance with going around the parking lots too. 

Now, if I could get the eating down pat. I always seem to have a problem with that.  I am doing better with not eating out as much.  But eating at home usually consists of something with bread or pasta, or processed meats.  Something quick and easy all because I am too lazy to make a proper meal, and with Shawn and I having completely different schedules, makes it hard to make something proper. 

I have been spending way too much time on Pinterest.  You can follow me here: http://pinterest.com/pearlgirl7877/ Well, you don't need to follow me, but you can check me out anyway :)

There are tons of recipes and stuff I'd like to try, and some of the shakes look delish.  Thought about getting some ingredients for some of the detoxing shakes.  Just to see if they help any.

Either way, this is my little rant for today.  May be back in another month with some complaining!  

Cheers!

>^..^< 

~SO MUCH TO DO, AND SO FEW PEOPLE TO DO IT FOR ME.~

frustration

They say "Money can't buy happiness."

I don't know about you, but it can sure buy me happiness indirectly.  

• It could buy me a gym membership, that would make me happy

• It could pay what I owe to get caught up on my monthly bills, that would make me happy.

• It could buy me some new clothes that are in season (even last season), that would make me happy.

I won't say that I am not happy. I am okay, I guess.  I am just feeling frustrated with monetary problems I/we are having.  

It seems like we get one bill paid up to date, and because it's paid up, we have to let something else get behind.  And when that gets behind, the phone never stops ringing.  You can only come up with so many excuses that are believable as to why the bill hasn't been paid.

I know we are not the only ones.  Everyone has this problem, but sometimes I look at the people around me and the green eyed jealousy monster rears it's ugly head.  I feel like that a lot of the time.  Like people have everything handed to them on a sliver platter. 

Who knows, they may be getting by pay cheque to pay cheque like us.  Maybe they have a hundred credit cards.  Maybe they are just able to make a budget and stick to it. 

All I am asking for is, maybe $1,500 to cover the "past-dues". That would also include a couple months of a gym membership. Because I KNOW that would make me happy and perhaps get me out of this horrible funk I am still in.

Behind every crazy woman is a man who made her that way ~ chap. 3.1~

So, we meet again like this.  Weeks and weeks go by and nothing is said. I didn't want to name this Chapter 4, only because I am sort of re-writing chapter 3.

April is another new beginning.  A couple of girls at work are taking part in a 30 day squat challenge. 

This is what the schedule looks like.  Got Day 1 in so far.  I took measurements of my hips, butt and thighs and stashed them away in a dark hole and hope I never have to see them again.. Same for the "before" pics I took.  






I spent a little more than I liked at the grocery store today.  Bought some fruit and some healthier alternatives for lunches and snacks.  I would like to say I would continue this routine, but it is so damned expensive to eat healthy, which is a HUGE firewall for me.  

I was creeping my facebook pictures the other day and I have come a long way, but I still have a long way to go.  I want to be back to my high school size.  I would give anything to be that fat again.  Maybe if I have some visuals, it may help in my motivation.  You can have a look too. 

Prom ~ 1995.  I can't say how much I weighed because back then, I didn't care.  I would like to say a size 16-18 maybe. 

I would say this was back in 2001 - 2002.  Holy trailer park trash with the blond highlights.  Hope to NEVER see that again!

This was in 2008, trip to Halifax to see Queens of the Stone Age.  I look like I am about to pee my pants, but I was probably just cold.  It was a cold night back then.

This is my favorite.  At a friends wedding in August 2011.  I was at my "smallest" and very happy.  But this is where it started to go down hill.  I needed to "prepare" for another occasion and needed all my attention to focus on that and kept saying "I will go back when it's over." and just never did.

 And a recent one, summer of 2012.  Trip to the Hopewell Rocks.  Still in a happy place (only because of the company I had) but still not satisfied with myself. I guess I could have smiled.





I follow 2 fellow friend's journeys of weight loss and they are a motivation for me for sure.  One with a toddler and an infant and a husband that works away and she still finds time and energy to go to spin classes and the gym.  The other hosts Zumba classes, does Cross Fit and a host of other physical activities involving her love for animals and involvement at her local animal shelter.

As I read their posts, and blogs, I think to myself "Why can't I do that?"  And it's usually followed by "Because I am too lazy"

That said, I am going to put in my ear buds and crank some tunes and head on over across the living room and have a walk.

Maybe, if I feel comfortable enough with my success, I will post my "before and after" pics I took in my skivvies. Maybe...

Till next time bitches!!

Excuses, excuses.

One way of avoiding a workout, is to go back to bed. I thought long and hard about doing just that this morning.

This morning after Willie went to work, I was going to go back to bed.  But while I was in the bathroom, I was looking straight into the eyes of a HUGE lump of dirty towels.  So I thought to myself "Self, I should throw half of them in the wash, and when it's time to put them in the dryer, I will do so, then go back to bed." 

I did just that.  I put half of them in the washer. While waiting for them to wash, I played Criminal Case of Facebook (because there is no more drama, I have resorted to wasting my time with games.)  Then when the washer stopped, I took the towels out, and put the rest in.  While waiting for the second load to wash, I washed, dried AND put away the dishes.  I usually let mum dry them, but today I didn't want to burden her with that task, so I did the whole shot. It usually takes me 3 or 4 days to get them put away.  They usually get used again before I get a chance to put them away. 

Now, the second load is drying and I have the urge to clean my bathroom.  And I intend to.  Once I am finished writing this post. 

I also intend to check cleaning the litter box, vacuuming, washing the floor (by hand because I don't have a mop), and putting the 2 loads of laundry (that have been sitting at the washer for a week or so) away off my list today.

All because I don't want to do my workout.  

In the end I will probably have sweated just as much as I would have had I done a workout, and my house will be clean :) win/win

>^..^<

~I am not fat, I am just easy to see~

It's been 5eva!

It has been indeed a while since I posted.  Not too much has changed since I posted. 

It is a new year.  I did not make a resolution.  I will continue to be myself.  I will continue to try and make a better effort in sticking to an exercise regiment.  Got rid of alot of drama in the past little while, making facebook a bit more boring.  I have resorted to playing Criminal Case.  

With trying to keep an exercise regiment, I had a little adventcha today in the woods.  I put on my boots, earmuffs and grabbed my camera.  

I wasn't a fan of the idea at first.  Walking in the snow to me was like walking in sand. And being a large person, I have fears of sinking and not being able to get up.  So I trucked out to the car, and drove to French Fort Cove.  I was surprised at how well the small trail was packed. The main trail was only about a foot wide, but it was well packed and no fear of sinking.

A few things I did learn on this adventcha, was to wear earmuffs.  Your ears will get cold.  I find ear muffs to be better than a hat because I get too hot if I have something on my head.  Don't dress too warm because walking in snow will make you sweat. A moderately warm jacket with a long sleeved shirt would do fine, and a scarf. 

Also, take beauty in every little thing you see.  In winter you can see alot more than you can in summer.  Things that are hidden by leaves in summer and out in the open in winter.

Try not to forget your clothes 

when you hang them out to dry.

Don't go off trail. Unless, of course, you are prepared with snow shoes.  You never know how deep the snow is or what, if anything, is underneath.









2 final tips before I post the pictures I took on my adventcha.

Don't eat

yellow snow.

WEAR SOCKS THAT ARE LONGER THAN ANKLE HIGH!! This will happen to you within a few steps. 

Most importantly, have fun.  Go sliding if possible, or make a snowman.  The snow in the woods wasn't wet enough for a snowman, and there was no way I was sliding, so here's the next best thing.  A picture I creepily took while walking back to my car.

I am going to leave you with some shots of trees I took while out today. I took tonnes, but I will post just the best ones.  I was kinda hoping that a squirrel would pop out or something, but no, not today.  

Enjoy